Well thanks to Ryze mucking up :( I lost all the personal info and am now redoing it. I suppose it's my own fault as well... I forgot to back up!

So here I am doing it from memory, and with some new injections of thoughts and words...

Here's my take on being Indian... again!

At 17 when I visited India, I was aghast about many things and felt dreadfully homesick. Now, I love to visit India. I find it fascinating and above all I am proud to be Indian. Yes, it is a far cry from my teens and youthful 20s when Western culture was so much a part of me.

I still possess some of those Western facets, but oh how I have changed. :) I love to wear selvar khamis (have I spelt that right?) I love to listen to Adnan Sami. I like to watch Tamil and Hindi and Malayalam movies. And India is now the land of my soul.

Years ago, when told by a friend in Holland that my genes actually developed in India, I more or less ignored this. But now I know fully what he means. My being Indian is a special thing.

It means more than my love of things Indian, it means that I am indeed the sum of all parts of India and that while I cannot speak a single Indian language (I am not proud of this) I can relate to Ghazals and instinctively realise the most beautiful part of them. So when the captivated audience listening to a Ghazal performance goes wah, wah, wah... in my heart I go ahhhhhhh...   I am Indian and it's beautiful to be Indian.

TALES OF INDIA

The story continues in bits and pieces...

One of the memories that I will preserve of my most recent visit was the scene at  the Trichi railway station. My uncle and I had quite a bit of time to kill before our train arrived, so we sat in the waiting area designated for men. Yes, there weretwo other women there as well.

What got my attention however, was the behaviour of a group of men, in their 30s and 20s. The first guy in this group, obviously a senior person and popular with the rest of the guys (they were all railway security men)  quickly put on a sarong overhis trousers and then whisked the trousers off.

(It was NOT rude behaviour, but indeed common behaviour for men who wanted to catch up on their sleep as they waited for their respective trains. These men also had simple bedding which consisted of a sheet on the ground and most often an overnighter case which substituted for a pillow.)

Soon, the first guy was surrounded by his friends. One of them was very conscious of dental hygiene and he went off to the washroom with his toothbrush. The same guy possessed a very nice mobile and one that could play MP3s. He decided he would provide some music that  night. (There were actually six guys all sleeping in a group.)

One of his friends decided he would play a prank on the guy with the fab mobile phone and first switched off the charger. But when the mobile continued to blare music, he finally unplugged it. Laughter emitted not only amongst these young men but also from me. I could not but giggle.

I found the sight of these young men so undeniably sweet. It took me back to a time when friendship with the same sex never had any sexual connotations and when gay meant being just happy. These young men were just so cute. They expressed their warmth and camaraderie with infinite sweetness and it was all pure friendship. I thought them absolutely darling.

A HERBALIFE STORY

I just joined Herbalife and took the shake for the first time yesterday. Now, believe me I'm always wary of such products. But what do you know? Hey I had a good night's sleep in a long, long time :) And by the way the number of people joining in Malaysia is a little short of stupendous. Do visit this http://www.helenafernz.0catch.com  

SOME POEMS:

THE CALL OF LIFE

By Helena Fernz

(For Amit and all my lovely friends)

A leaf flutters and then falls

A heart beats and then stalls

The wind whispers in lonely delight

The soul trembles as it takes flight

But look, there's the butterfly that flies

And see that bird, it soars so high

And yes there's sunlight, clear and strong

And the moon's beautiful as it goes down

It's life's rhythm that's still calling you

It's life's rhythm that throbs anew

It's life's rhythm that brings a smile

It's life's rhythm that makes you cry

*********

THANK YOU LORD

By Helena Fernz

July 21, 2004

Thank You Lord, for being there

Thank You Lord, for holding my hand

The pain was bad Lord

And the fear so overwhelming

But I made it Lord without a flinch

Thank You Lord for everything

I was alone and so scared

I was desperate, but You were there

I hid my fear underneath a smile

And waited silently all that while

I did the needful and felt lost

Bur You were there Lord, through it all

Thank You Lord, I don't say this enough

Thank You Lord, I love You so much

I'm sorry that I forget You're my best friend

I'm sorry Lord if I do Thee offend

So Lord, please hold me ever so tight

My Dearest, Dearest Lord, You're My Light

*********

THE NIGHTSONG AND ME

By Helena Fernz

(Jan 23, 2004)

The nightsong appeared on the wings of the wind

Singing to me of things that had been

It whispered of hope which I wanted to forget

It told me of  false love and how I had bled

I listened but tried to drown it out

But still it whispered and whispered aloud

I steeled my heart and told it to leave

But cried  when it kept singing to me

I screamed in pain when it sang to my soul

I begged and pleaded and told it to go

But the nightsong refused in sincere sweet verse

And looked on kindly as I wept bitter tears

It stopped angry murmurs that wanted to flow

It calmed my fears and made my spirits soar

And then it chuckled in such gentle glee

As I surrendered my heart and all of me

*********

LOVE AS DEFINED BY ME...

By Helena Fernz

(Feb 10, 2004)

The Bible defined it superbly

The poets with precision and beauty

But can I not also have my say...

About what love means today?

For I have found love

Not just the love of passion

Not just the love of lovers

But love to last a lifetime

I am discovering secrets

I am listening with awe

I am listening to love

And singing its song

Love will not break

In the face of destruction

Love will not yield

To the fiercest storm

Love will not falter

In the midst of dissent

Love will not succumb

Even if passion is spent

Love will not disappear

In the Beloved's absence

Love will not fail

Even when hope's frail

Love doesn't dim

In the darkest of nights

Love always glows

For it is light

Love doesn't bring joy

For it is joy

Love IS, Love WAS

Love will always be

*********

SOME SITES YOU MIGHT FIND USEFUL:

www.onelook.com is the place to go to when you want a dictionary 

www.countrycallingcodes.com is the site that provides country codes for phone nos. 

www.xe.com/ucc/ is the site that does your currency conversion for you! 

As for the sites featuring my poems

www.diamondeyes.com is one which has a large no. of my poems, but  

unfortunately   I don't seem to have much time to work regularly on it

www.kavitanjali.com/helena.htm is where there are also many of my poems. 

Finally, I wish all of my visitors happiness!

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