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| Feb 04, 2009 4:13 pm |
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re: Absolute Honest Opinions Needed Please |
Patricia Allen
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Rodney,
The text of the first site, lost me after the second sentence or what I thought was a sentence. It just didn't make pictures for me. (I am on the autistic continuum and think only in pictures and translate into words, or the other way around. No pictures=no understanding.)
The second version's text had movement. I noticed the title line. I built pictures of the first paragraph and then you lost me with the changes in topic or titles or technical words...something like that.
Suggestion on the second version: IF your market is non-technical people, cut the job titles--something like, "I had been working with computer programs for years and the switch to website design was a cinch."
I didn't understand the connection between website design and stock photos...especially in the same sentence. Do you now provide stock photos through your company?
Paragraph three, I get that you thought (I wished you had 'decided' because that would relax me, the potential client.) and obviously (not obvious to picture thinkers) decided help me. (Would that be patronizing if you read it applied to you?) You could save some space with the paragraph if you just said clients can personalize their own website with one of your templates or customizable features. The excess words confuse.
Final paragraph has a really good message, but could be condensed a little. I get that: You continually seek feedback from your clients and you take their suggestions under consideration when you are updating your hosting capabilities (I don't know what hosting entails so this word may not apply.) You also promise to be attentive to the desires of new clients.
Further down you use the word 'shop' I had to pause to make the picuture because I'm used to seeing 'store' in this context.
I haven't read the other posts and probably duplicated everything. I do tend to write a lot. It's the old a picture is worth a 1000 words thing. Hope this helps.
Love and Light,
Pat
Creator of fine wood pens.
http://www.PatsPensAndTreasures.com
http://www.PatriciaAJAllen.com/myblog (which has pen pix)Private Reply to Patricia Allen (new win) |
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