Private Reply to Michael Lemm

p. 12:

As an absolute rule, credibility—your Character and your Competence—must underlie your network. A massive network will not aid you if you areselling an inferior product or trying to21 get a job for which you are unqualified. In fact, a big network will rapidly become a liability, as too many people will be aware of the inferior goods you are peddling. No matter how much your friends like you, they will not recommend you for a job if they see that you are consistently unethical, tardy, sloppy, or otherwise unprofessional.

How can you resolve this tension between strategically managing your network and not being perceived as exploitive? We think that the resolution is first, being a sincerely empathic person, and second, ensuring that your actions are correctly understood.

If you are a sincerely empathic person, then you are the lucky possessor of a very admirable Character trait. But let us say you are not; instead, you are a self-centered person who aspires to be a better person. Figuring out how to improve your Character is a lengthy, arduous process beyond our scope. The best counsel is from Aristotle, who wrote: “We are what we repeatedly do.” If you lack the Character trait of loving kindness—the sincere desire to be of service to others—then the best way to overcome it is simply to do it. Be kinder to people, and you will be a kinder person.

Stephen Covey observed that much of modern success literature is focused on the superficial: how to appear considerate. You will do better to focus on building your Character and being considerate.

We think that the best way to make sure your actions are correctly understood is to be up-front. If you are a real estate broker, say, “I think this is an excellent house for you. It’s slightly more expensive than the other house I showed you, and I admit that I have a financial incentive to sell a more expensive house. But it’s a better deal for you, for several reasons. . . .” The fact that you’re being direct will increase your credibility. For more on this point, we suggest "The Trusted Advisor", by David Maister, Charles H. Green, and Rob Galford.

The second step toward resolution is ensuring that your actions are correctly understood. Monitor closely how people interact with you, because if they think that you are manipulating them they will likely show it. You want them to see you as a professional, with a legitimate business interest in selling a quality house, who also has the person’s best interests at heart. If you sense that they are worried or tense about you, then raise it: “You seem a little concerned. Do you have any questions that I could help you with?”

We would add a third point to Sawyer’s two points: showing creates perceived Character and Competence that telling cannot. For example, if you say, “I am a real people person,” but you come across as arrogant, what you say about yourself will carry far less credibility than what people observe about you. One of the advantages of building business relationships online is that many more people have the chance to see how you act, and draw their own conclusions about the sort of person you are.

Kevin Gibbs:

But best of all, The Virtual Handshake is very devoted towards promoting ethical practices and following the rules of online etiquette (or netiquette) with examples for doing better on the job and on the Internet. The evils of SPAMMING, applying the Golden Rule, plus life lessons for maintaining good business and professional practices online are heavily sprinkled throughout the book. Reasons for doing the right thing (with the rewards for working the right way) have generous coverage.

While the book struck me as interesting and wonderful, I was pleased to see the topic of altruism brought up thoughout the book. One of the things that I've always felt strongly about is that your efforts in business and in networking must be driven by altruistic motives in order for you to be successful. In simpler terms, the more you give, the more you get. This point is not lost on David and Scott. In fact, they call it out several times throughout the book, but more in the later chapters. In the second to last chapter on Volunteering, I think this quote sums it all up:

Some people choose not to donate because they believe that it somehow devalues them by "giving them away." In truth, there is nothing that demonstrates the value of your skills more than putting them to good use for a cause you believe in.

Private Reply to Scott Allen

Just a quick thought that came to mind here:

In "Guerrilla Marketing for Free," Jay Conrad Levinson reminds us that there is a business critical difference between reputation and image. ie. A solid reputation must be hard-earned over the long run but will bring you the best ROI you can hope for. Your image, however, is only as good as the reputation behind it.

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