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| | Post New Topic | | Laughter is the best medicine | Views: 417 | | Aug 17, 2008 11:43 pm | | Laughter is the best medicine | # | 
Parag Pattani | | A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of about 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife." The inquisitive man asked, "What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the
dog?"
The man replied "Please join the queue."
Private Reply to Parag Pattani | | Aug 18, 2008 9:59 am | | re: Laughter is the best medicine | # | 
Saunthara Subramaniam Velu | | Hahaha ... I know some guys who'd want that dog - at least for their mothers-in-law ;)
Cheerz
Subz
Private Reply to Saunthara Subramaniam Velu | | Aug 20, 2008 8:28 am | | re: re: Laughter is the best medicine | # | 
Lathiff | | this a good one parag....
score one point for all son in laws..
Private Reply to Lathiff | | Sep 29, 2008 8:26 pm | | Laughter is the best medicine - how to determine the sex of a fly | # |
Parag Pattani | | How to determine the sex of a fly !
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter
'What are you doing?'
She asked.
'Hunting Flies'
He responded.
'Oh. ! Killing any?'
She asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'
He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
Private Reply to Parag Pattani | | Sep 30, 2008 1:50 am | | re: Laughter is the best medicine - how to determine the sex of a fly | # |
Saunthara Subramaniam Velu | | ;) should be a fly psychologist!
Private Reply to Saunthara Subramaniam Velu | | Sep 30, 2008 2:46 am | | re: re: Laughter is the best medicine - how to determine the sex of a fly | # | 
Ushma Nagri | | hahahahahaha
love both of them.
Thanks for the laughter
Private Reply to Ushma Nagri | | Sep 30, 2008 10:22 pm | | re: re: re: Laughter is the best medicine | # |
Parag Pattani | | "A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
Private Reply to Parag Pattani | | Oct 01, 2008 12:24 am | | re: re: re: re: Laughter is the best medicine | # |
Saunthara Subramaniam Velu | |
New Page 1
Hehe! Careful what
you wish for!!! And also what you eat. A short idiot's guide to western cuisine,
as wriiten by an idiot:
| Hors D'oeuvres |
:pigeons |
| Appetizers |
:people who make fun of apples |
| Escargot |
:God of Escort Services |
| Spaghetti |
:getting to a nice hot bath resort |
| Linguine |
:language expert |
| Arrabiata |
:Arabian tea |
| Bolognese |
:from Bolonia, neighbour of Bolivia |
| Bucatini |
:a teenage bookworm |
| Buckwheat |
:the flour to feed a male deer |
| Calamari |
:escort service operator called Mary |
| Pasta |
:chewing gum used in art |
| Dumpling |
:an adolescent who got dumped |
| Macaroni |
:the new competition to McDonald's |
| Fusilli |
:an bad electrical connection |
| Lasagne |
:"Listen, you!" (slang) |
| Carbonara |
:no-carb food |
Private Reply to Saunthara Subramaniam Velu | | Oct 10, 2008 2:14 am | | re: re: re: re: re: Laughter is the best medicine | # |
mukul jain | | A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happened if
this does not work?'
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, '
GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He
tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not
even switch on.
He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for
another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points
to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China. We read from the
right to the left.'
Private Reply to mukul jain | | Oct 21, 2008 3:07 am | | re: Laughter is the best medicine | # |
Parag Pattani | | Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale....... Cheap...........no strings attached.
Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.
(they will look for you..)
When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...
I Gave Up Reading .
My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..
Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off.
Sign In A Bar:
' Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance. '
Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.
Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.
The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions.
Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.
A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough
Or Else They Will Never Be.
Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.
She May Be Your Grandmother !  |
Private Reply to Parag Pattani | | Oct 21, 2008 6:05 am | | re: re: Laughter is the best medicine | # | 
Triple A Andreas the Austrian in Australia | | Politically correct sayings about women.
She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED
DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
She does not "NAG" you - She becomes
"VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
And about men.
He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a
"LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" – He
“INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
Private Reply to Triple A Andreas the Austrian in Australia | | Jun 17, 2009 3:07 am | | re: re: re: Laughter is the best medicine | # |
Parag Pattani | | A priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off
and enjoying a round of golf.
The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.
He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."
The good Sister told him to watch his language.
On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly..
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.
On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.
Sister is really mad now and says, "Father , God is
going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."
On the next tee, the priest swings and misses again.
"Shit, I missed."
A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes the nun dead in her tracks.
And from the sky comes a booming voice .......
"Shit, I missed."
Private Reply to Parag Pattani | | Jun 17, 2009 6:00 am | | re: re: re: re: Laughter is the best medicine | # |
Triple A Andreas the Austrian in Australia | | The Great Nostradamus, who by gazing
into a crystal ball forsaw most major
world events, from the French Revolution,
the World Wars, the Atom Bombs etc.
predicted for 2009:
"The pigs will fly and masked men will
tremble in fear!"
He was right again: The Swine Flu!
Private Reply to Triple A Andreas the Austrian in Australia | | Oct 18, 2009 12:45 pm | | re: Laughter is the best medicine | # |
Parag Pattani | | A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held.The professor passed out a sheets of small
paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.
The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. Our student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute. Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the worst test I have ever written."
The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have not filled in anything and you definitely have failed the test. Tell me, what's your name?"
The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, " You tell me..."
Private Reply to Parag Pattani | | Oct 18, 2009 12:59 pm | | re: re: Laughter is the best medicine | # |
Saunthara Subramaniam Velu | | haha ... witty one ;)
Private Reply to Saunthara Subramaniam Velu |  | |
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