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Legal Needs
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| Jan 29, 2008 5:50 pm |
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re: re: re: re: re: re: Make your comments on Rape |
Marielena Alvarez
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Rape is not about sexual intercourse it is about control, domination and humiliation of another person in the most personal private way. Rape also exposes women to sexually transmitted diseases, some incurable and others that are fatal.
Rape of men occurs in some Middle Eastern countries, where unsuspecting foreigners are targeted. In the movie Deadly Justice (1985) The Rape of Richard Beck, which starred Richard Crenna, the matter is discussed in a way that may make you reconsider your position on whether a man can be raped.
Rape destroys the lives of women who live in countries where virginity is highly valued, such as in Muslim countries. In the early history of America, after a woman had been captured by Indians (Native Americans), no white man who knew, would touch her, regardless of whether she was raped, prior to being “rescued” and returned. She was stigmatized and would have to move where no one knew her to have a normal life. Women were armed and told to kill themselves rather than be captured by Indians. Some women returned to the tribes from which they were rescued, having found that they had more rights as a tribal member than in the "civilized" world (could not vote, own property or inherit, considered the property of their husbands, had no rights even if abused by their spouses). This is an issue in countries where woman do not have the same rights as men and traditional cultural views of women and their place in society.
In Eastern Europe, during the racial/ethnic/religious conflict between Christian and Muslims, Serbs and Croatian, some women found themselves pregnant with the child of the rapist and sought abortions or suicide rather than have the child of their enemy.
In the United States, a woman who is forced to have sexual intercourse without her permission may claim rape, even against her husband. It is pretty sick when a son has to pull his father off of his mother (in the case of a friend of mine), a case of domestic abuse which thankfully ended in divorce.
Sometimes in the courts, the sexual history of a woman is brought up to say she was "asking for it" by the way she dressed or had behaved in the past. A person under the influence of a drug slipped into their drink or who is intoxicated is not able to give consent. Some men gamble that she will not remember or will be too ashamed or embarrassed to press charges. Often women are "date raped" by a boyfriend or acquaintance, the man will not take no for an answer. Sometimes it is easer to let them do what they want and get it over with rather than to fight back. If she says no at any time and he forces her it is rape. No means NO ALWAYS!
Some problems come with how the media sensationalize and treat victims of rape and age of consent (in south and central America the age of consent is lower than in the US and even here it varies by state and age of the male vs. the female). Pornography may lead men to think women enjoy the activities that the women in these movies are paid to do perform, which is not necessarily the case. One can find pornography that makes the most bizarre seem pleasurable. Some men and women have rape or domination fantasies, these are sexual fetishes, BDSM (bondage-discipline, DOM-sub/slave and sadomasochism), not mainstream behaviour. True victims of rape; find it a nightmare rather than a fantasy. It is something that stays with you and pops up later in life when something triggers the memory.
Rape is a personal, private nightmare, even worse for a child. My sister was raped as a child (under the age of five), by a boy, both were under the age of consent. My father wanted the boy prosecuted, but his wife refused, the marriage ended and she took my sister from him. Any interrogation of children must be undertaken carefully, by trained professionals, to avoid traumatizing young victims. Fortunately my sister is able to talk about it and has a wonderful, understanding husband who treats her well. My older sister thinks intercourse with her husband is an obligation (out of lack of experience on both their parts?). Does a particular cultural or religious mindset reinforce these negative ideas? Europeans have more open with their attitudes toward sex than Americans, who still cling to outdated puritanical views.
Another woman, who was not very interested in intercourse with her husband, told him to go elsewhere to get his needs met. In couples counseling, it was suggested that her husband was a sex addict (untrue) and it all focused on his behaviour rather than a dual approach that may have revealed her secret. Later it was revealed that she had been molested by her father's younger brother. Her gentle understandably frustrated husband suspected but only learned the truth after they were in divorce proceedings. His daughter had observed her mother's reaction to a visit by the uncle, his unusual behaviour of kissing everyone on the mouth and inappropriate touching when giving chiropractic adjustments (never witnessed by the spouse). Therapy along with good communication could have helped but she may have been in denial or too ashamed and embarrassed to tell her husband of 20+ years.
Sexual incompatibility exists but is rarely if ever discussed. This may be one reason spouses go elsewhere to get their needs met, rather than force their partners and likely a major reason behind many divorces (it is not valid grounds for divorce, but should be), many save face by the option of irreconcilable differences, no fault divorces. This is not a solution to the problem of incompatibility, low sex drive (hormone imbalance, as the result of surgery or cancer treatment), previous abuse or rape.
Private Reply to Marielena Alvarez (new win) |
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