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| Feb 21, 2006 10:32 pm |
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re: Quotes |
Chris Dockery
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Let Your Fears Polish You
By Dan Strutzel
© 2006 Nightingale-Conant Corporation
THE CONQUEST OF FEAR LIES IN THE MOMENT OF ITS ACCEPTANCE.
We've all heard the oft-repeated acronym, F.E.A.R.: False Evidence Appearing Real.
Yet, even if this acronym turns out to be accurate, it is rarely helpful in getting rid of our fear. After all, even if what we fear never comes to pass, to us, the feeling of fear itself is real. We can feel it in the pit of our stomach, in our racing heartbeat and sweaty palms. And, truth be told, some fears we have are based on true evidence. Some public speakers do get laughed at, or even booed. Some people who do get up the courage to ask their heartthrob on a date do get rejected. And, your new business venture could fail, despite your hard work. So, whether or not our fearful thoughts turn out to be real is not the issue. The key to defeating fear is to make fear your friend - to feel it, name it, and proceed as planned. Often, when we try to conquer fear, we end up conquering its ability to instruct and inform our lives. The only thing we want to conquer is its ability to immobilize us - to prevent our growth.
The process of accepting our fears and courageously working through our fears is like a polish that preserves and refines us - not the shine of an enthusiastic youngster who has never been through the bumps and bruises of life, but the shine of a mature adult who has faced his or her fears head-on, and emerged with a sense of wisdom and selfknowledge that is evident to all.
So, if you're currently struggling with a fear that is holding you back, let me offer you three suggestions, not for avoiding it, but for letting it inform and instruct you:
1. Let your fears gently pass through you. Think of your fears like running water washing over your hands. Look at them long enough to identify them, to note them, but let them pass - do not put up a dam. If you refuse to attach negative emotions to them and just watch them pass, you'll gain great self-knowledge without being immobilized. Try this when you're giving your next public presentation. Feel the fear emerge from within you, note it ... even laugh at it, and then imagine it passing through and beyond you.Then give the speech without any attachment to it. Before long, your fears will cease to have control over you.
2. Treat fears as your life school, your curriculum. Every time fears emerge, imagine that they are your own selfdesigned university - they are your curriculum to be mastered. You only pass the test when you do the work of achieving whatever goal is on the other side of those fears. So, if you're afraid of heights, skydiving is your curriculum. And the final exam is landing safely on the ground. Thinking of your fears as your self-designed school or university turns your fears into an objective project, rather than a subjective nightmare.
3. Fear means you're on the right track. No fear means you're not stretching enough. Keep in mind, whenever a fear arises, that in 95 percent of cases, it does not mean you're doing the wrong thing, it means you are moving into an area of growth - it is almost always a positive move. Let your fear inform you that you need to stretch. If you're afraid of asking for a raise, perhaps you need to stretch yourself to face authority figures and ask confidently for what you want. If you're afraid of talking to your spouse about an issue that bothers you in your marriage, perhaps you need to stretch yourself to face the possibility of rejection head-on. In both of these cases, fear only arises because you are moving into a new, uncharted territory - and that is a good thing
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