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HUMOR/Always a place to add some joke of the day/I hope you like to laugh because I do tooViews: 193
Jul 27, 2013 6:21 pm Senior time management in Florida (hilarious-but too close to the truth)

Paul Finkelstein DTM

Senior time management in Florida (hilarious-but too close to the truth)

Fifteen years ago my wife and I moved into a retirement development on
Florida's southeast coast. We are living in the Delray/Boca/Boynton Golf,
Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-hachee. There are 3000 lakes in
Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do
all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Your days
will be eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of your car
takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where you parked takes 20 minutes. It takes
1/2 hour on the check-out line in Wal-Mart and 1 hour to return the item the
next day.

Let me take you through a typical day. We get up at 5:00 AM, have a quick
breakfast and join the early morning Walk and Talk Club. There are about
30 of us, and rain or shine we walk around the streets, all talking at once.
Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM.
After a nimble walk avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go
back home, shower and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her under water Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my
Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals
and go to the club house lobby for a nice nap.

Before you know it, it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the
many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a
filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the
flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex
watch for $2.00.

We're usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner. People start lining
up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get there by 3:45 because we're
late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they
serve. You can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner,
including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and
Sweet-and-Low along with mints.

At 5:30 we're home ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 we're fast
asleep. Then we get up and make 5 or 6 trips to the bathroom during the
night and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Doctor related activities eat up most of your retirement time. I enjoy
reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I
don't mind. Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at
least half an hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then
there's the hold time until you're connected to the right party. Sometimes
they forget you're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

Should you find you still have time on your hands, volunteering provides a
rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest
concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am
a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80..' I coach their
basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from
the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they
make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors or 'bottom feeders' as we call
them because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many
foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember
where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while
their food defrosts.

Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name.
Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world traveler,
uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live. Murray's
Condos or the Lakes Of Venice? There's no difference. They're both owned by
Murray who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of
any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida. I live in
The Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach.

Remember if you can't laugh at yourself or schtufff it crawls back inside YOU and spreads your hips for a lady and gut for a guy. Just saying. Are we too late?

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