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| Aug 09, 2008 3:49 pm |
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re: Knowing when to let go |
Nikkole Abbas
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Thanks, everyone for your thoughts. I don't *think* I am feeling lazy or uncommitted (although that's why they're called "subconscious" thoughts, right?) *wink*
It might help if I share some of my story. I have followed my own inspiration for years. I don't want to make this too long, but I'll start with college. I had planned for years to go to law school after graduation, but near the end had started feeling that just wasn't right for me. I applied to three schools: University of VA, Columbia and Yale - all highly competitive. I felt that if I were accepted into one of these programs, I needed to go as that was where I was supposed to be (in fact I was invited to apply to UVA and Columbia, hadn't really considered them before).
I did not get in to any of the 3 (though I was wait listed at UVA and Columbia) and planned to move to VA and live with my college roommate's mother for awhile, get myself on my feet, get state residency and re-apply to UVA (my friend had told me residents have a greater chance to be accepted). Instead, however, a group of my friends were moving to CA together and I decided fairly spontaneously to go with them instead.
After working the winter season waiting tables in Palm Springs and the summer season on Catalina Island off LA, I became inspired to "work with kids." I didn't know in what capacity, but I went back to Palm Springs and called the youth organizations in the yellow pages to see whether any of them were hiring. The Boys & Girls Club was hiring for a coordinator position and I got the job. I never even knew whether they had advertised the position yet by the time I called...??
In this position (my first "professional" experience) I had total autonomy over the projects at 3 after-school program sites and my boss was more of a mentor. I would come to her with what I wanted to do and she would use her experience to help me do it. I worked with very little direct supervision and set the majority of my hours myself, working some of it at home. Being the young and single staff person, I got to go hiking, camping, rock climbing as a chaperone. I got paid to play.
After a couple of years there, I suddenly knew I was going to join the Peace Corps. Now, there is an application process that takes about a year, but I never told anyone I was "applying to the Peace Corps." I was "joining the Peace Corps." I ended up going to Kyrgyzstan to teach English as a Foreign Language in 1999 and met my husband there in 2001. (There are a lot of other stories within that experience for another time.)
There was some time before I got a strong inspiration like I had had in the past, but I did feel that I wanted to live in the Black Hills of SD. I got a job working in drug and alcohol prevention that again left me complete autonomy. My boss trusted that I could do the job and left me on my own to do it. I worked in an office, but had quite a bit of flexibility in setting my own schedule and earned "comp time" when I went over 40 hours due to travel & etc.
I was there just over two years and was 8 months pregnant when my boss called me into his office to let me know that due to loss of grant funding (which I had known months before) that they had worked frantically to replace, they could no longer pay me to work for the program. Even at that exact moment, I was sure there was something bigger and better for me and wasn't the least concerned. I actually remember feeling sorry for him. He had a really hard time with having to tell a pregnant woman she had a job for only two more weeks.
I had the weekend to think about it, but never became concerned. Fortunately, the organization was a large one and they were able to move me to another program. It turned out not to be a good fit, especially after my daughter was born because I couldn't get time to nurse or pump milk. But, this did allow me to take advantage of my paid time off and earned "comp time" that I had been saving up for the maternity leave.
Within a few weeks I learned of a position and contacted the local coordinator about it. She replied back telling me that it was a part-time position (up to 35 hours) and paid $10-12/hour. This being a significant pay cut for me, I didn't even respond. Lucky for me, she e-mailed again asking me directly what my hesitation was. I told her what I was earning and that I couldn't swing the reduction. She got in touch with the Executive Director and came back with an offer that was close to what I was earning.
I have been with this organization ever since. This position puts me in a home office, so I have been at home with both of my daughters since the oldest was a few months old. It has been a true blessing to be here with them. The oldest was in drop-in daycare occasionally while my husband was a student, but since then he and I have been able to completely flex our time so both girls are with one or the other of us almost constantly.
So when I had the inspiration to open the multicultural center, I didn't hesitate. I had actually been waiting to feel that strong pull again that I had experienced before. I took actions to begin bringing the people to the table, spoke with the mayor, etc. as I described above. Things were clicking and then suddenly they weren't any more (no real change in the actions on my part). The inspiration also started to dry up.
I believe I was supposed to go to that fellowship seminar for the final interviews and that this plan got me there. Shortly after my inspiration for the MC center stopped flowing, I felt (again very strongly) that I was instead to join my husband in his business. I have been taking steps in that direction ever since and things are flowing there easily and I am having a blast. He is also starting to pick up more and more clients recently so it looks like I may be able to wean myself off having a full time job within a year.
Perhaps my embarrassment comes with the realization that those of us who follow our inspirational flow are somewhat rare in the wide world "out there." I also re-applied for the fellowship with my new plan to join my husband's business and didn't even get a first interview. I thought this might have to do with having been 100% committed to one thing one year and the next (completely different) "new thing" within a year. They may have seen me as unable to commit or complete this new plan.
I am completely at ease where I am now. I have asked a couple of friends whether they think I seem flaky since I dropped the MC center project so quickly to follow this new inspiration. They both said, on the contrary, they were inspired by me and my willingness to pursue my dreams.
I will always continue to do so, despite what the "rest of the world" thinks, but I still can't help but wonder what they are thinking sometimes.
-Nikkole
Nikkole Abbas
7Gens - Social enterprise offering website design for green businesses and nonprofit organizations
http://www.7gens.com
http://7gens.blogspot.com
Private Reply to Nikkole Abbas (new win) |
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