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| Nov 11, 2009 6:30 am |
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Bali Global Warming Conference: 2027 |
Ron Sam
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Breaking News:
Tenth Bali Global Warming Conference Ends with Historic Agreement
Bali Global Warming Conference: 2027
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The tenth global warming conference in Bali
(Bali-X) concluded today with a new agreement to negotiate a roadmap
for future talks on eventually reducing greenhouse gas emissions.
United Nations delegates hailed the agreement as an historic step to
prevent future global warming. |
(Bali - Dec. 18, 2027) Twenty years after the first Bali global warming
conference, delegates from around the world attending the tenth Bali
conference (Bali-X) today put the finishing touches on a new agreement
to negotiate future reductions in manmade greenhouse gas emissions.
According to all UN-certified scientists, those emissions are predicted
to once again cause global warming, just as was experienced thirty
years ago.
The United Nations Earth Czar, Al Gore, hailed the Bali-X agreement as
a critical step in global efforts to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.
"Today, we have continued the long tradition of cooperation that has
maintained agreements enabling negotiations which provide a basis for
future talks", announced His Excellency. "We have renewed hope that the
difficult, but historic, scientific consensus that was reached almost
twenty years ago will not have been in vain."
As in previous years, the U.N. conference was the target of some
criticism for neglecting mounting scientific evidence that climate
change is a largely natural phenomenon. A minority of non-UN-certified
climate scientists once again pointed to global temperatures that have
continued their slow decline for the past thirty years. All of these
comments were made anonymously due to their illegality under anti-green
hate speech laws.
"Yes, global temperatures have fallen", admitted Mr. Gore in private,
"but as we all know, this spurious cooling trend will suddenly change
to rapid warming…possibly as early as next month. I am told by our UN
scientists that we now have less than ten years to avert a global
inferno of cataclysmic proportions."
Once again, the Canadian delegation expressed some concern that the
world's cooling trend might not end soon enough. Pointing to the ice
sheet in northern Canada that has now survived through thirteen summers
without melting, the Canadians warned that some towns in the far north
might have to be abandoned as the ice sheet continues its expansion
southward.
Particularly hard hit by the advancing ice sheet have been the women
and children of environmentalist families that poured into the
Northwest Territories from the United States during the Great Green
Exodus of 2008. The encroaching mass of ice has already destroyed the
coastal resorts that were prematurely built on the shores of the Arctic
Ocean in anticipation of warming temperatures.
Frequently the target of the anti-green fringe, Mr. Gore once again was
the subject of some criticism for his carbon offset business, the value
of which now exceeds $2 trillion.
Gore's acquisition of Google Inc. to form Google Green back in 2014 is
still lamented by some internet purists. Google Green advertisements
continue to dominate websites around the world with the familiar Google
Green logo. Anti-green demonstrators were sometimes heard outside the
conference center chanting "Bring Back Coke", an obvious reference to
Mr. Gore's central role in coordinating the international ban on
carbonated drinks in 2016.
Marring the Bali conference for the first time this year were thousands
of arrests for alleged anti-green hate speech crimes. Many conference
observers expected this as the inevitable result of last year's U.N.
Global Court ruling that classified anti-green rhetoric in public as a
hate crime.
Despite the usual rough spots like those experienced at previous global
warming conferences, most delegates expressed optimism that the new
agreement reached at Bali-X would eventually lead to large reductions
in carbon dioxide emissions.
As Mr. Gore boarded Green-1, the high efficiency Boeing 797 hybrid jet
(sporting a smaller version of the standard heated swimming pool), he
stated "We owe it to our children and grandchildren to pass on to them
an Earth free from human interference. Today we have taken a giant
first step in that direction." |
Breaking
News: Tenth Bali Global Warming Conference Ends
with Historic Agreement |
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Private Reply to Ron Sam (new win) |
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