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Apr 13, 2004 12:57 am re: Steve Goals: Time for a change
Rebecca & Ken Aspinwall


Our recent discussions have been satisfactory. You have made yourself clear. On the basis of the things you expressed, I made certain decisions about what to do in our case.

Like all of us, you have certain barriers that you must perceive are limiting to you. Yes, I feel that all of us have some barriers to contend with, but the difference in the two of us is in reaching the place where one can set aside our barriers/issues and go forward with what we really want. Also, we must always understand that not everyone will have the capacity to be in relationship with us. They can be too far advanced, too little developed or just plain too much alike for any good to come of it.

Look at some of the stuff you see on things like the Yahoo Personals. Woman wants man and here's my long nit picky list of stuff I require. Well, such declarations have a way of narrowing down the field a lot, but good opportunities are blown out the door because the list is creating an exclusive profile.

OK, there's the trouble. If you want to engage with people on a massive scale, you can only allow yourself to have a very few preferences.

I have a collaborative business to offer people. I have five basic requirements:

[1] Be able to afford $7.00 a month
[2] Be a good listener
[3] Be open minded
[4] Be a go getter
[5] Be a possibility thinker

So, what if I introduce myself and a person tells me they have no money. Well, I take them at their word because it is not my calling to convince people to think right.

I called a lady one time. She had stated an interest in having a business. She commences to go down a long list of personal liabilities. She said very little that told me of an interest in a business. She took too much of my time with the jibberish.

Do you know what I did? I politely took my exit without trying to turn the discussion back to where it belonged.

Do you know why I did that? I did not want to be associated with this person and trembled at the thought that she would probably make everybody listen to her soap opera. I was concerned about leaving a bad impression and did not want that. She was too big of a risk and I dared not spend any time trying to reform her.

So, believe me. People communicate a lot more than they think. They just don't realize how badly they undermine their case.

Beat that problem. To engage more people, shorten your list only to preferences that absolutely pertain to your business because it doesn't matter what kind of car they drive. If a dish washer can become a millionaire in the MLM industry, then I want to learn all I can about it and that is why I am a good listener. I really want to know and I seek open minded people who also want to know.


> Sue Tosto wrote: >

Hi Steve,

> >

Yes I agree with you, they all blend together, a person does have to have all of the above in order to have a balance in their life.

> >

If a person does not know their boundaries, they can't communicate clearly what they do or do not want, if they do know their boundaries they have to develop the skills to be able to communicate themselves effectively ... and so on.

> >

I think people do in fact have a difficult time communicating effectively. Since delving into this particular area I've begun noticing how people tend to avoid circumstances or having a conversation, even in a circumstance which appears to be small.

> >

Mark Twain has a quote that I have on my Ryze page, >"I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want." which suits this topic quite well I think.

> >

Expectations, another interesting topic. I've noticed that people all over have "assumed" expectations in many given situations and when these perceived expectations are not met, that often more times than not, they are angry or upset, yet don't take the time to address these things. Thus miscommunication on many levels takes over. How an individual is raised, yes has a big impact on how an individual communicates, their self worth and how they go through life. Before I even got into coaching I realized this. In the case of a family where some one may have a drug/drinking problem this problem can run very deep. They are not taught to express themselves or their feelings due to everything being a secret or keeping the peace. Oddly enough the person who strives to break out of that mold within a family such as this, tends to be viewed as the traitor or the black sheep because they sought higher ground, i.e., the healthy vs. the dysfunctional.

> >

The remaining group holds tightly to the belief systems that has served them which is not to address things and to stiffle the emotions that come along with it. Of course inevitably it comes out in other ways.

> >

I understand what you are saying. Thank you for the input :) It's a little early for me, I hope I've been clear.

> >> steve chi wrote: >> Hi Sue, I dont think these can be separated from each other: communication skills, personal boundaries, self confidence and managing their lives effectively are interelated. >> All depend on a clearly stated objective or set of objectives. Whether one is working with an individual, a business organization, or even in couples/relationship training, those four concerns are crutial. I think the hardest part for the consultant is getting people clear on what they want: the objective, defined in a way that makes it measurable. >> An interesting part of the problem is a cliche many people grow up with: "It isn't so much what you say as how you say it." Attempting to communicate clearly without others feeling... imposed upon, uncomfortable, threatened is some times just not possible. So that the objective of managing ones life to avoid upsetting people would clearly interefere with the objective of maintaining clear and open communication. >> Unspoken but assumed expectations and demands create havoc where ever they exist. Helping people break out of that set of restrictions is a challenge, regardless of whether one calls oneself consultant, trainer, advisor. >> A Very interesting business, in any case. Especially in light of many peoples dependency on illusion and obfuscation for their personal success. >> >>Steve Chichester> >>> >>> >>> >> >> > >> >> >>Sue Tosto wrote: >>> >>>

I forgot to post my own here. Since I am trying to re-define my niche for coaching, I would like to have a more clear cut picture of how to go about promoting what I can do for people with regard to communication skills, personal boundaries, self confidence and managing their lives effectively. This particular task seems to evade me a little and I tend to lose a little focus. I have taken a small break from marketing and have minimized my coaching efforts, for now, until such time as I feel I have effectively entered all of the necessary tools into my head with regard to communication. There are many! I think that's wise because, I want to come from a place of integrity of course.

>>> >>>

One reason for this break is the more I learn about communication the more I see how, we as people don't realize how things can evolve so quickly into a misunderstanding or how things do not get addressed in a manner either right from the start or in the alternative later on after the miscommunication has occurred, either on the unspoken level (the stories we tell ourselves about a person or a situation which are not based on fact, or are based on input from others which are still not based on fact) and then fires ignite and it's tough to put out the flames.

>>> >>>

I have to say the more I see, the more I realise that communication skills are one of the most needed area's in life in coaching as well as everyday conversations either in relationships, work or personal or just a conversation here.

>>> >>>

So, my goal, would be to find the best way to ... reach people with regard to how important these skills are.

>>> >>>> Eric Sohn wrote: >>>>

Q2 starts Thursday, and we switch (in the US) to Daylight Savings Time on Sunday. So...


What goal do you want to accomplish in the next 3 months? What are possible first steps you can take toward that goal? What might prevent you from taking that first step?


Coach Eric

Private Reply to Rebecca & Ken Aspinwall (new win)

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