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Apr 17, 2004 6:04 pm re: Steve & Ken: Steve Goals: Time for a change
Rebecca & Ken Aspinwall



Sue,

Yo! I totally agree with -- Perhaps it is as simple as letting go of our own expectations. Yes! Yes! Yes!

My first thought -- I feel what you feel -- what does it all mean? That's exactly why I said the body language thing cannot be scientific. In other words, I don't think it can be a regimental issue because for each individual there are too many variables and nuances. Where you have such variables and nuances, regimen cannot evolve. This absolute reality demands that we let go of our own expectations and allow the moment to stand on its own terms.

There you go! What does it mean? Body language can only tell you that a reaction is taking place. Body language can serve as an alert, but it will never tell you the meaning. That is why we have to take it to the next level and seek clarification.

Yes, I do believe that when a person sighs, it can mean something to that person. You are absolutely right about going forward with clarification because I/we cannot take the risk of figuring out what something means when the matter obviously lacks clarity and to me, body language always lacks clarity. If I were to venture to assign a meaning too it, I would have judgment and we already know that judgment can destroy potential good in a new relationship.

I like the English language. I like self-assured people. Since I don't set out to intimidate or harm anyone, I expect them to feel at ease in my presence. Even if I fold my arms, do not think that I am being defensive. Heck! If I am standing there listening and engaging in genuine communication, this is the thing to see because it is a much weightier thing than my arms being folded. See! When I fold my arms, it is a relaxed posture for me.

On that note, I do believe that a lot of people must have had terrible relationships in their past. I can surely understand their hesitance, but they need to find some mature company where they can learn confidence.

For me? I never gave up on what God intended for the church. The Christian Church was intended to be a nurturing community. It's leaders were supposed to be on the Grace Path. All were to share in joy, peace and righteousness. There was a certain boldness attached to the idea of accepting one another on the same terms that we had all sinned and come short of God's glory, but we had also accepted redemption in Christ. Case closed on the old life. Step into the new creation. All things have become new. The new creation was a thing of great joy and a gift that was provided at a great cost to God.

While we are talking about this, I know that many churches have been dismal failures in conveying the mystery of Christ. That leaves individuals like me to roam about the earth to proclaim the Good News -- You can be all you can be in the power of Christ.

Please! Don't attach any personal baggage to what I say. I am not talking about religion in the twisted form that so many are accustomed to. I am talking about the true Life! It is the Abundant Life!

Ken



> Sue Tosto wrote: > >

OYE! Did I spell that right? :) Body language, my favorite. Has anyone ever heard, actions speak louder than words? The things people can say without saying a word are tremendous.

> >

A look, a glance, a fidget, a sigh ... what does it all mean? And how can we, as people learn to address these things in a manner that respectfully conveys how we feel and find out how the other person feels at the same time? It can be done. I tend to sigh when I'm backing off of an emotional high to give myself space to see what's really going on. Some would interpret this to mean I am exasperated and then respond in kind. The reality is that I'm just taking a step back from the situation and giving myself breathing room. Yet the sigh, can cause some reactions from people one wasn't expecting.

> >

Perhaps it is as simple as letting go of our own expectations. On example that comes to mind would be, "I think this is a good idea" so we expect others to be just as excited as we are ... which :) isn't the truth is it. It doesn't mean another point of view is bad, it simply means, they disagree or that it isn't for them. It's not personal ... until it is. When it "is" then comes the clarification process and understanding one anther. In this process this means that we may have to take a back seat and invite the other persons perspective in "first" so they can feel heard, then after acknowledging that, Then we get our turn. It can be a difficult transition, however the results? Are amazing. :)

> >

To me? Everyone is a swan. :)

> >> Rebecca & Ken Aspinwall wrote: >> Hi Steve, >> >>I hear that! >> >>It's funny. I don't know who came up with this body language business and it can't be scientific for the other day I was with a good person and folded my arms across my chest for the purpose of relaxing. I did decide not to take the chance of being misunderstood and quickly dropped my arms to my side. >> >>Not many people around here fold their arms across their chest anymore. Maybe that means our culture is relaxed. >> >>Unfortunately, the RYZE space does poorly about that letter sequence. That's one good thing about the yahoogroups, but some people don't like them too much. >> >>Your duck and swan idea is well understood. Communication has always been a complicated thing because too many individuals want their own way. They do not understand flexibility and being easy to get along with. >> >>In my case, everybody knows I am a duck and mostly because I don't try to act like a swan. lol >> >>People want peace and safety. Crooked people use this desire for peace and safety to create fear of loss and insecurity. They do this to try to make people buy the solution from them. >> >>I'm a terrible salesperson. When somebody tells me something, I assume they are telling me the truth. If they are not telling the truth, I walk away with the wrong impression. I expect people to ask for my help and tell me what they need. I don't have time to play guessing games. >> >>Ken >> >> >>> steve chi wrote: >>> Hi, so where are the other letters that precede and relate to this? I think the subject gets even more interesting when the letters can be viewed in sequence. Especially to the new reader. >>> One of the ironys in the human development/human potential business is that 'we" all get trained to perceive a behavior as indicative of a particular motivation. Arms folded across the chest one of defensiveness and closedness. >>>I recall being repeatedly trained as a child to stop putting my hands in my pockets. And of course boys had better pants pockets than girls. So rather than leave arms dangling haphazardly, one may very well cross them. And be perceived as and treated as someone on the defensive. >>> One of the parts I love best about humans, people, is that if it walks like a duck, and squawks like a duck, it still might be a swan. >>>

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