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Jun 19, 2006 10:40 am |
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re: re: Jokes , Jokes and More Jokes |
Lukose Jose
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1) What is confidence ???? A hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse. One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies: "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off." That is called Confidence!!!
2)An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the > Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience. > > The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by > rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman > and Irishman ask him what he was doing. > > "Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies > and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech > started: Ladies and Gentlemen". > > On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one > better than that English b@#$ard and started his speech by making an antler > symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his > groin. > > When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he > explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was > starting my speech by saying: Deer Ladies and Gentlemen". > > On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one > further than those two b@#$ard and started his speech by making an antler > symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then > finally masturbating furiously. > > When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he > explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and > then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying: Deer Ladies and > Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
3)How to catch a lion ?
Newton 's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion. Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily. Software Engineer Method: Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion. Indian Police Method: Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion . Rajnikanth Method: Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself. Manirathnam Method (Director): Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide. Karan Johar Method (Director): Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest. You don't understand? Right?.. Ok....read it after 15 yrs... then also u wont! Yash Chopra Method (Director): Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location. Govinda Method: Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. Maneka Gandhi Method: Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously. George Bush Method: Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!! Rahul Dravid Method: Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion gets tired and surrenders. Private Reply to Lukose Jose (new win) |
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