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| Sep 28, 2006 1:13 pm |
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re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Jokes , Jokes and More Jokes |
Aditya Seth
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A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and
says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." Sir,"
replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your
sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right
it is!" replied the old man "That's why I want it
lowered!"
A 70 yr. old nurse walks into a bank and prepares to
endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls
out a rectal thermometer and tries to
write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for
a moment, then realizing her mistake,she says, "Well
that's great......just great.....Some asshole's got my
pen."
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was
your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older
than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?!?!"
I've sure gotten old. I've had two by-pass surgeries.
A hip replacement,new knees, fought prostate cancer,
and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor
circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if
I'm 85 or 92.Have lost all my friends.
But ..thank God, I still have my driver's license!
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her
will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and
second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.
"Walmart!" the rabbi exclaimed."Why Walmart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week."
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having
a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of
the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end,
puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get
wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day,Maude hobbles herself into the local
drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she
wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously
embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely. she is
after all, over 80 years of age. But very delicately
asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel
!!!" Private Reply to Aditya Seth (new win) |
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