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| | The Un-Marketing Network is not currently active and cannot accept new posts | | Introduce myself and a direct marketing letter critique | Views: 889 | | Sep 27, 2005 3:34 am | | re: Introduce myself and a direct marketing letter critique | # | 
Debbie Fortier-Success Leaves Clues | | Hi Tracy..
I think your letter and your approach is super professional.
Many many companies and people today are indeed looking to save money.
The businesses you have approached thus far, may be indeed comparing to what they already have or don't have, or may certainly be seeking a means to consolidate all their services into "one" such as yours.
Your timing is perfect indeed as well as we are coming into the part of the year whereas numerous business obtain 75% of their total years' sales in the next 3 months.
I wish you the best of luck with it and would not change a thing.
Persistence will pay off.
(((HUGS)))
Debbie
PS) By caring about people, the money will chase you down. Private Reply to Debbie Fortier-Success Leaves Clues | | Sep 27, 2005 4:20 am | | re: Introduce myself and a direct marketing letter critique | # | 
>> Barry Caplan - Start Your Future Today | | Tracy -
Can I offer a blunt and honest assessment? OK good :)
- Who is your target market? Are they decisions makers? If not, then whatever the letter says will be meaningless.
- What does it mean that you are their "number one outsourcing company"? How can you be number their one one anything if you are nto already a vendor? And to you really think your target market is looking for a generic "outsourcing" company? No one is going to buy into this meaningless phrase.
- I generally don't recommend selling on the basis of improved costs. Why? Becuse then you can expect your pay is going to come out of the improved costs, if any. Can you really save them enough money to make it worth their time and yours? Isn't the administrative person that you are going to replace going to be the first person to see your letter, and then throw it into the trash?
- From a sales point of view, even if that is the tack you are taking, why leave it up to the reader, who ever it is at the potential client, to decide if you can save them enough time? How would they know?
- On top of that you are about to give them a blanket 20% discount, presumably forever?
Instead, I recommend you focus your sales pitch on what their goals are to grow their businesses, assuming you are talking to a decision maker, or getting the interest of the descision maker if you are not.
How much more would free time, extra sales, extra qualified leads, quicker bill paying, whatever it is, be worth it to them over the course of a year if they didn't need to worry about it? What if there was away for them to reach this goal for a cost that might be a small fraction of the benefit? etc. etc.... this is a standard sales pitch from here on out.
My prediction is your letter, if sent out, will cripple any potential sales you mean to generate, and limit the size and scope of any accounts you do land, to the detriment of your own business's growth oover time. In a nutshell, you will be disappointed by the leads it generates, and the end results of any sales efforts to those leads.
There are probably many people on this list that can help you build a targeted marketing campaign that matches a comprehensive sales pitch. Both are absolutely necessary and they need to be meshed very carefully, yet almost invisibly, for success. You can't skimp on either part, and I am not necessarily talking about the cost.
Best,
BarryPrivate Reply to >> Barry Caplan - Start Your Future Today | | Sep 27, 2005 2:57 pm | | re: Introduce myself and a direct marketing letter critique | # | 
Kathryn Spencer | | I would take off the "I am" part of the title... with it the first impression is that you are also stresses: therefore, why would you be able to help.
:) Hope that helps... :)
My business is all about releasing stress (& guilt)!
Kathryn Spencer Private Reply to Kathryn Spencer | | Sep 27, 2005 6:07 pm | | re: re: Introduce myself and a direct marketing letter critique | # | 
Tracy Collins, Web Designer | | Let me start off by saying, yes my target market is the decision makers of each company in which the letters go to. I am actually considered a Virtual assistant however I put in my letter that I am an outsourcing company because in the area that I live let's just say they are not as up to date on terms and technology. Can I actually save them money, yes as compared to hiring an administrative assistant I can save them approximately $16,000.00 per yr not including the need for them to buy the computer equipment for their new in-house administrative assistant that they hire. I am not necessarily trying to replace an administrative assistant as my target market is small and medium sized businesses which might not have their own administrative assistant as well as the business who has too much work for their current assistant but don't want to hire a full-time assistant. If a person does not have an administrative assistant if they hire me instead of being up til 2-3 in the morning or later or doing paperwork (which they can not bill to their clients) yes it will free up time. And instead of doing their paper work then can be doing their marketing, tending to existing clients etc. If there is anybody who can help me with my target marketing campaign I would greatly appreciate it.
Tracy Collins
Collins' Administrative Services
http://va.vanetworking.com/collinsadministrativeservices
"We STRIVE to help your business THRIVE!" Private Reply to Tracy Collins, Web Designer | | Sep 29, 2005 2:02 am | | re: Introduce myself and a direct marketing letter critique | # | 
Wesley | |
Tracy,
I just read your post and I must say that there was "fire" and "believablility" in what you just wrote.
Now...true...it's not in the form and with correct direct mail verbage yet, but basically you want to say in your letter just what you just said to us.
Your "official" letter sounded like you were writing an official letter.
This post sounded like you talking to us. Like a person. And it was very believable.
Maybe your opening line could be:
"Let's be blunt. You're busy. You hate staying up late getting a report posted to the internet.
"You'd like to hire an assistant...but $16,000? I don't think so.
"How about $350/month (here fill in the correct amount).
"Think that's too much? What would you say if I can SHOW you for a FACT that I can save $600/month (if you currently spend over $2k/month [or whatever] in 'business expenses').
"Pick up the phone. Here's my number. (xxx-xx-xxxx) I'll interview you and tell you exactly what I can save you and WHY.
"'Cause Look...I sometimes have to stay up late for my clients' sake, but then...they don't have to!
Sincerely,
Blah, Blah, Blah
P.S. "Security is knowing that Tracy is on the Job"Private Reply to Wesley | | Sep 30, 2005 4:05 am | | re: re: Introduce myself and a direct marketing letter critique | # | 
Paul Strauss | | Wesley,
Great point about talking to prospective clients just like they were people! I am not a professional marketer, but I am learning out of necessity as a real estate investor. In that respect, I've become a conesseur (SP?) of marketing, and I detest stuff that's too slick. Talk to me-- and no, long copy doesn't work on me-- I DON'T HAVE TIME!-- tell me what you have and if it makes sense, has a business purpose, and a positive impact on the bottom line-- meaning it can do one of two, if not both of these two things:
1. Cut costs
2. Add revenue
Then, I'll do it. Why wouldn't I? My marketing advice to those trying to reach me (and entrepreneurs like me) is this: Don't try to sound too slick. We know you put your pants on one leg at a time, so save it. Communicate clearly and concisely. If I have to wade through-- well, I won't, so just don't make me have to wade through gobs of material. Just tell me about 1. and 2.-- and if your product or service doesn't convincingly do either, then quit. You're doomed.
Anyway-- now it's ME that's rambling, but I just thought I'd try to provide a little insight from the marketPLACE rather than another marketER.Private Reply to Paul Strauss | | |
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