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| A Little Help From My Fellow Marketers | Views: 303 |
| Oct 06, 2005 11:38 pm | | A Little Help From My Fellow Marketers | # |
Cathy Qazalbash | | Hi Everybody,
I would be grateful for some critique on this sales page. I am trying to market a manual for new business owners and wrote this sales page for this purpose. Dispite intensive google ad words campaigns amounting to 100+ clicks there have been no sales. I am a professional copywriter and pride myself on making winning copy for my clients. This one seems to have fallen short and I would highly appreciate some valuable critique and sugestions. Results indicate that something is missing and I am unable to put my finger on it. Please view the page at:
http://www.business-support-center.com/
Thank you in advance for your help
Cathy Qazalbash
http://advertise-your-business.com
Private Reply to Cathy Qazalbash |
| Oct 27, 2005 1:57 pm | | re: A Little Help From My Fellow Marketers | # |
Gary Boye | | Hi Cathy,
I would take some time to revise your word choice and sentence structure. However, I think the most important change you can make is to remove the three "bonus" parts of your offer from the bottom--and put them at the top. Value added features in written copy do not serve the same purpose as they do in an oral sales presentation. In the latter they are used as "kickers", i.e. enhancements to take the prospective buyer off the fence. In providing a presentation through sales copy, you need your strong points first--or the reader will probably never get to them.
With that said, I would mention the bonuses twice more in the copy--once in the middle and once at the end. Edify the bonuses.
One other suggestion. I would remove references to other competitive offers. They can hurt you.
Hope that helps,
Gary Boye
Third Position Selling™ Private Reply to Gary Boye |
| Oct 27, 2005 10:08 pm | | re: re: A Little Help From My Fellow Marketers | # |
Cathy Qazalbash | | Hi Gary,
Thank you
I will definitely reconstruct.:)
Cathy Q
Freelance writer/copywriter
http;//advertise-your-business.com
Private Reply to Cathy Qazalbash |
| Oct 28, 2005 3:21 pm | | re: A Little Help From My Fellow Marketers | # |
Sanooj Y K | | Hi Cathy,
For me it seemed like too long a page. and i think u can re structure the page to have the info in blocks beside the sales letter content.
And like Gary mentioned, take the bonusus to the top with reinforcing the message in the copy again.
Take competition comparisons out from the main page, u could give it as an additional page, if needed.
You also need to highlight the business model and blend in the advanages of each aspect of the business model with it.
These are just suggestions.
Mail me for any further assistance if needed. sadly, time is a constraint, else I would have re-made sample from your page to convey what I am trying to advice you.
Some pictorial elements could help add sparkle to your page.
CheersPrivate Reply to Sanooj Y K |
| Oct 29, 2005 3:03 am | | re: re: A Little Help From My Fellow Marketers | # |
Cathy Qazalbash | | Hi Sanooj,
Thank you, for your helpful hints.
Cathy Q
freelance writer/copywriter
http://advertise-your-business.comPrivate Reply to Cathy Qazalbash |
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