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| | Post New Topic | | Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | Views: 2436 | | Jul 25, 2007 5:46 am | | Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Scott Allen | | You've all seen Paul around here lately -- thanks much to him for his energy and time in helping start this profile review program back up.
AND... he's first in line!
http://www.ryze.com/go/bnsforu2
A few tips/guidelines for reviewers:
1. Please respond to this message without changing the subject. This makes it easier for the reviewee to spot and keeps the network front page a little tidier.
2. Everybody's great, but nobody's perfect. There's something to like about every page, but there's always room for improvement.
3. There are no right or wrong answers, only opinions. Keep in mind that everything you write is an opinion, and yours is just as valid, but no more valid, than anyone else's.
4. Pointing out problems is helpful, but offering solutions is better. For example, "Your text is too long" is good to know, but "You could probably cut out the section about your dog" is even more helpful. Be specific.
Jeanie Marshall also had some great tips for doing these reviews (http://www.ryze.com/postdisplay.php?confid=586&messageid=2683329), which I highly recommend reading before doing your review.
OK -- time to tell Paul just exactly what you think of his Ryze page.
Private Reply to Scott Allen | | Jul 25, 2007 12:18 pm | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Walter Paul Bebirian | | Paul -
your photograph presentation is good - -
since you mention family protraits in your presentation though -
I feel that you might improve the presentation by adding at least one (if not more) family portrait samples in there as well -
and -
although your running in the marathon is a commendable activity -
the image in my mind of you doing events is cut short by my minds questioning as to whether you photograph the events yourself or if you have have a staff of photographers covering these assignments (due to the image of you running placed in the image mix)
I think it is very important for the customer to know who is the photographer especially if you are doing let's say a wedding or a pr event since who will be present and how they will do the work or cover the event is key in these types of assignments -
Also -
I find that the harsh black text later on down the page is a bit difficult to read -
if there is a way to tone things down a bit - I would try that -
just my opinions of course -
and I also realize -
all of your presentation slant and focus is determined by what it is that you want to get across -
You do seem to be encouraging people to be networking (that seems obvious) but to what end or exactly why are you focusing so heavily on that here in the Virtual Handshake arena and on your main RYZE page -
I am not sure what the motivation is exactly -
I know you have a great deal of energy -
but I am wondering if you are putting that energy to the best possible use for yourself and your business -
All the best to you in all that you do!
thank you!
Walter
http://www.575488trillion.com
http://bebirianart.com
Private Reply to Walter Paul Bebirian | | Jul 25, 2007 1:03 pm | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Sue T. | | Good Morning Paul :)
I think if you were to put the picture you have of yourself as your header picture, with the label underneath of the organization you do the marathons with, it may make it clear to those who go to your page what other interests that you have.
The other photo, with all of your associates on it, could go lower, with a description of your photography studio under it. I am curious though, why you're photo isn't among those who you are associated with on your primary photo that's there. You know, with your associates?
Perhaps, you could break up your page, with something about your marathons, then your photography business (not exactly in this order) and then something about meeting your wife online later down the page.
And then towards the bottom, how you like to get to know people, for the guest book section.
You could, if you don't already, I may have missed it, put a link to the photography your company puts out, so people can have a little taste of your work. You know, kind of like, seeing is believing. :)
What I'm saying is that it's a little confusing as to what your page is promoting "exactly"... Does this make sense?
Yes, I do agree with Jeanie's post on reviews. I remember when I first began putting things together I felt... some how put down if someone critiqued my hard work :)
Usually because I was so proud of what I'd learned so far and was really trying to do what I felt was best. Interestingly enough, I received a critique from a well meaning member of my network and I thought... okay, what he's saying makes sense. And I thanked him.
I think the thing to keep in mind about this type of review is to remove ego and be open to suggestions w/o assuming its a personal slam.
Sue T.
Sue T.
Emotional Awareness & Life Coach
Confidence is Silent. It need not defend itself. It Simply Exists Inside You.
http://www.freewebs.com/dreamscape/index.html
Private Reply to Sue T. | | Jul 25, 2007 2:45 pm | | re: re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Bea Kunz | | Paul, I always enjoy your post when I come across them.
Your energy is contagious.
My thoughts on your RYZE page are since you specialize in business portraits, would it not present a more business image to replace your running photo with a really sharp business look.
Nothing to dislike about the running photo, just seems to seperate the message your putting out.
Have a lovely July day!
Bea Kunz
http://www.sagehillfarmsandvintagestore.com
Eat Well-Be Well
Private Reply to Bea Kunz | | Jul 25, 2007 3:46 pm | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Jeanie Marshall | | Hi Paul,
Thanks for bringing back the Ryze Page Reviews. Thanks for being first.
When I visited your Ryze Page the other day to see if I would want to offer comments about it, I was initially confused about the photos. I had already seen the collage with your posts, but didn't pay attention; I blocked it out, just as I generally do with banners on the Internet. I'm partial to a single photo of the person, although I'm also partial to originality.
All that being said, I suggest you re-think the primary photo. I'd like to see you in a photo, preferably a professional portrait. Maybe you know a good photographer? :-)
Then either put your own photo first with the others to the right or put your own photo first and the others below or let your own photo stand alone on the upper part of the page and start your Information section with your main company image plus other samples of your work. I prefer the second or third choice.
I'm assuming that the 6 portraits are of clients and not your associates, is that right? I see that is the logo on your web site, so I wouldn't tinker with that as it gives a constant image. However, you might ADD other samples of your work on your Ryze Page (on your web site also). Events, family portraits, and perhaps another image that highlights that you're a mobile photographer. If you need to get signed releases from clients, you can stimulate some new business with former clients and get more referrals if you include a marketing campaign with it. Maybe you're not looking for new business.
I actually think that your being mobile is very unique; it would certainly make me interested in using your services if I were local to you. At least I'm assuming that you are not as mobile as coming to California! A photograph of you inside your bus would be interesting. Maybe you know a photographer? :-)
I know that you have had some discussion about your 3-foot rule on this network, but must admit I haven't read that. I was a little surprised to be faced with large, bold print about your six PM's. I feel your good intentions about all that, but I am a little put off by it. I personally think that the Ryze guest book system is an easy, light way for people to make an initial connection. I don't want to be forced to make a commitment until I feel that the synergy is present. I'm not compelled to push the elongated button or tell an online story. Even now, I'm not compelled enough to do that, although I'm taking the time to review your site. Since you have an enormous amount of "hits" on your page, perhaps this is working for you. If it is, keep it -- it just doesn't work for me.
In addition to wanting to know more about your business, I'd be interested in knowing more about YOU on your Ryze page. As much as you're comfortable saying. Your marathons, other interests. You could create a photo album of your interests with titles in calligraphy. Maybe you know a photographer or a calligrapher? :-) I think you could have a lot of fun with this, as I am assuming you have Photoshop in your Photo Shop.
Best wishes on your Ryze page.
Make it a Scenic Day!
Jeanie Marshall, Personal Development Coach
Marshall House http://www.mhmail.com
Writing by and for Coaches http://www.WritingByCoaches.com
Private Reply to Jeanie Marshall | | Jul 25, 2007 3:46 pm | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Suzette Flemming | | Hi, Paul ~
I would like to see more information about your business. Why photography? What makes it a passion for you? Why do you focus on the three - Biz portraits, family portraits and events (what type of events, btw).
I would like to see you highlight the "on wheels" as your USP. Hook people into going to your web site to see more of your work (and to book your services).
I like your paragraph about PM's and building rapport. Although, I think it may be better placed further down the page after business. May be right before your GB on the page?
So how about subject headers. Photo Shop on Wheels (business), The Best Gift the Internet Gave Me (personal), The Long Road (running), Being My Friend Takes Effort (PM, GB).
I agree with the assessment of the font. It is too bold for me. It's almost shouting at me. I think the larger font is good just not the bold black. I hope that makes sense.
Suzette
*****
http://www.FlemmingBusinessServices.com
Saving Money - Increasing Profits
Private Reply to Suzette Flemming | | Jul 25, 2007 3:54 pm | | re: re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Jeanie Marshall | | Suzette,
We posted at the same time. Just wanted to saw I LOVE this:
So how about subject headers. Photo Shop on Wheels (business), The Best Gift the Internet Gave Me (personal), The Long Road (running), Being My Friend Takes Effort (PM, GB).
Of course, what matters is if Paul loves it. But I think this is an awesome suggestion and based on some really good thinking.
Make it an Engaging Day!
Jeanie Marshall, Personal Development Coach
Marshall House http://www.mhmail.com
Writing by and for Coaches http://www.WritingByCoaches.com
Private Reply to Jeanie Marshall | | Jul 25, 2007 3:59 pm | | re: re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Heidi Caswell | | Sue, I hadn't thought of the portraits as associates. Maybe because I'd already seen several of them on the photography network. I saw them as part of Paul's portfolio.
Come to think of it, Real Estate offices often do something like that for their associates and place one of their properties where the marathon photo is at. So I see how it can be unclear, and a new person would have no idea which picture is Paul if he hadn't added "Yes, I'm still running. . ."
The graphic looks nice, neat and professional and the bus gets everyone's attention. Maybe move them around a little, like a collage or something, full picture, others showing the business portrait in use such as part of a publication. Or just the bus logo and somewhere a link to your portfolio and/or a little about why a business person should have their own professional portrait, ways to use such (can be on website).
Paul, I like the marathon photo, shows your energy and enthusiasm. I keep flipping back and forth whether it would be best to put only a photo of yourself at the top, or the business logo image. In the end I believe either way works.
The bold text looks like you are yelling. Try bolding just some of the text. Very clear how you'd like visitors to behave. I bet it cuts down on drive by networkers.
Heidi Caswell
http://connectsimply.com/blog
Private Reply to Heidi Caswell | | Jul 25, 2007 4:20 pm | | re: re: re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Marielena Alvarez | | Having to scroll from left to right to read all the text is annoying. My computer screen is a wide one, so I should not have had to do so!
The background on the business photos was too dark and should have been in better contrast and a diffent intensity to the people in them since they are the focus of the shots. The darker colored backdrop detracts and distracts from the people. The right background makes all the difference.
Private Reply to Marielena Alvarez | | Jul 25, 2007 8:45 pm | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Tina Brooks | | Hi Paul,
I like the way your personality comes out in your page. That to me is very important.
The only potentially negative comment I might make is that having read your page, I failed to learn anything new about you. Your likes, dislikes, what kind of person you are, that sort of thing.
What are you working on... (aside from the personal marathon thingy -- very commendable by the way). What are your goals, who are your partners who are you best to do business with, etc.
Don't sell me, but educate me... I like walking away from a page thinking... Wow, I know enough about this person to either do business with or be uninterested in doing business with them.
Someone said earlier that your PM thing put them off... I like that it puts some people off, it tells me that you're only interested in people who are going to put effort into what your gig is... I think that's a cool idea and recommend keeping it.
T
T
Private Reply to Tina Brooks | | Jul 25, 2007 10:01 pm | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Suzette Flemming | | Hey, Paul ~
USP - Unique Selling Position - what makes you different from the hundreds of photographers out there?
Subject Headers - Something similar to Scott A's. You can center them in the page, use different colors / fonts, put in a table so that you can put photos beside the headers. Lots of options, creativity and fun to be had here.
Thanks for changing the text font! I like the new one.
Suzette
*****
http://www.FlemmingBusinessServices.com
Saving Money - Increasing Profits
Private Reply to Suzette Flemming | | Jul 26, 2007 1:06 am | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Betty Lynch, My Country Kitchen | | Paul,
I like your page. I love the photos!
Another great thing that I think is a great idea is that how you invite others to PM you 6 times to build "networking karma." So many times we add friends and then lose touch. This establishes a relationship that could be a win/win situation.
Blessings,
Betty
Betty Lynch, Author, "Back to the Table with My Country Kitchen"
http://www.bettylynch.biz/ Back to the Table with My Country Kitchen
http://www.mycountrykitchen.com - Newsletter, Cookbooks, Tips, Recipes & More
Private Reply to Betty Lynch, My Country Kitchen | | Jul 26, 2007 2:36 pm | | re: Walter/Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Walter Paul Bebirian | | You must show a group shot or a few group shots - your work will sell itself - but you must show what you have done - not say you can do it - unless the only thing you are showing is your own picture and one you have done of your self - "self portrait" - then the customer does the imagining for you - in that case less is better -
http://www.575488trillion.com
http://bebirianart.com
Private Reply to Walter Paul Bebirian | | Jul 26, 2007 3:47 pm | | re: Jeanie/Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Reg Charie | | A couple of things.
Why are the shadows around each photo not complete in some?
Some of the images have shadows only at the top and bottom, some on all 4 sides.
Why not have some text that says "We come to you." or "Studio on wheels" or "Mobile Studio".?
I see the bus but am not sure why it is there.
Reg
http://DotCom-Productions.com
Private Reply to Reg Charie | | Jul 26, 2007 4:15 pm | | re: re: Reg/Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Reg Charie | | Not talking about the shadows in the photos, but the ones around the outside of the images in your montage.
If you look closely you will see that while image #1 on the top row has a shadow on all 4 sides #2 and #3 do not.
The twins on the bottom do not but the next 2 photos do.
Reg
http://DotCom-Productions.com
Private Reply to Reg Charie | | Jul 26, 2007 10:57 pm | | Re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Jean Moree | | Glad you changed the bold black text on your Ryze page. It's much better now.
I WOULD like to see a nice self-portrait on your Ryze page....but I also like the creative collage of customers' portraits with your business ad. And, because I've seen your photos on the Photography Network, I knew that they were not business associates, however, I can see how some people who wouldn't have known otherwise may get confused. I just had never thought of that.
Re: "The darker colored backdrop detracts and distracts from the people. The right background makes all the difference." Paul, I agree with you in disagreeing about this comment. Different backdrops work for different reasons and dark backdrops are great and gray backdrops are great, and white backdrops are great....depends on the look you want to achieve. Probably for business portraits, dark backgrounds are most appropriate. I think that dark backdrops actually draw the focus to the individual in the portrait. But, that's probably a discussion better suited for the Photography Network.
Also, I like the marathon photo because it shows a more personal side of you...I like that.
Jean
Private Reply to Jean Moree | | Jul 27, 2007 6:54 am | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Walter Paul Bebirian | | the real question is - however - whether the suggestions that have been made have resulted in your creating both a RYZE presentation as well as (if it is that picture that you are utilizing on your RYZE page) a better promotional piece -
the presentation as well as promotional piece is a tool - a very powerful tool - which - if it is one which you like so much that you will feel good about govomg to everyone that you meet or come in contact with and are happy with to the nth degree - will work for you by you simply giving it out -
So - if you like what you have now so much that you can give it out to everyone that you meet with the thought in mind that there is something that you have that you can serve just about everyone out there with or if not them - then someone that they know or are related to - then you have something -
so give it out and let that tool do the work!
http://www.575488trillion.com
http://bebirianart.com
Private Reply to Walter Paul Bebirian | | Jul 27, 2007 10:17 am | | re: re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Marilyn Jenett | |
Paul,
I went to your page and noticed something changed in the last couple of days. I have a 21" screen and yet the page and text runs way off the screen! You have a caption there that is too long and makes the page much wider than it should be.
Also I notice in your marathon bio, there is a contradiction. In one sentence, you state that you have been running marathons for over two years. In the next, you say you just started running recently. Doesn't compute.
You might want to state instead that you just started running a couple of years ago, etc...
I noticed that you now state that you only serve Southern Florida at this time. That's a positive so the public doesn't think you bus across country :-). Yet.
I have a suggestion regarding the discussion about your marathon photo. Why not have that very professional headshot we've seen of you previously on Ryze - that should be the dominant photo - and below it have your marathon photo? I think letting the public see both sides of your life adds interest.
Marilyn
Feel Free to Prosper
http://www.FeelFreetoProsper.com
Feel Free to Prosper: An Entrepreneurial Memoir of Synchronicity and Guidance
http://www.ryze.com/posttopic.php?topicid=743240&confid=481
Private Reply to Marilyn Jenett | | Jul 27, 2007 11:44 am | | re: M & W/Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Walter Paul Bebirian | | looking ahead - how can we take the best advantage of having an exercise like this one taking place - there are some suggestions that the owner of a page is willing to make after hearing suggestions and some that seem to touch a nerve or that one might be more sensitive to -
Since a RYZE page is exemplary of a person's personality, it might mean to them that when you make a comment - it is touching the same nerve that you would be doing if you personally attacked their essence -
For example if anyone crtiicized my "Self Portrait" when I first started using it in 1992 (and I am sure many people did) I would cringe but since I printed the cards up already I had to give them out or waste the money - then along the way, there were times that in the printing run - my colors seem to shift a bit - at some times during the winter I might be a little bluer or inthe spring a little yellower - and then that printing company (which was purchased three times while I utilized them - went out of business and now I use another company) - but now on RYZE and the Internet in general there is no color shift since the digitlal file never changes -
however -
each individual person's screen may vary in color - so who knows how many colors I may be showing up on people's scrren today! :-)
But what I mean to say now - that there is no way that I would change that image after giving out over 2.1 million cards and have had how many hits already on the Internet - it is a true icon.
so when the persom whose page we are viewing and critiqing does not see any distortion of the page due to the length of the line of words but we do because we are using a different browser or an older computer -I begin to wonder how many variables can we as individuals comfortably take into account when making a page -
Of course - from a certain perspective, I understand that Paul - you want to show as much of what you do as you can in the one space alotted for a portrait of the individuals that are members of RYZE - you have created something unique to put in the place of a portrait - and that is commendable - and yet I have a feeling that it might be a relief to see the simple portrait of yourself if in fact you like that image and if perchance it was created by you -
Underneath the entire exercise, there seems to be a need for you (Paul) to respond to each of the comments to make sure that your ad is placed throughout the thread - so that we are bombarded by the same ad over and over again - and yet I cannot read the words there at all, nor can I distinguis the the images - one from the other - so as a function related to the RYZE system here which not only shows up on your RYZE page but is also an icon in the network thrrads - that portrait image area where you have chosen to place this composite ad - might be better suited to the placement there of a simple portrait of yourself and then - having the entire composite placed elsewhere on your main RYZE page -
and then in another spot - placing the marathon image -
but from another persepctive - I would say to myself right now that it is most probably better to let things be - since each individual is in whatever stage they are at now and will be developing over time at their own pace - or not developing and that each scenario is fine since that is what it is for each individual.
http://www.575488trillion.com
http://bebirianart.com
Private Reply to Walter Paul Bebirian | | Jul 27, 2007 2:10 pm | | re: re: M & W/Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Jeanie Marshall | | Walter,
Great insights, as always.
I know I've told you before, but just to say it here.... I think your self portrait is one of the most striking images I've seen. In addition to it being appropriate to who you are professionally, it stands now for who you are as a person. When it comes up on a Ryze board, I do always read your comments.
Designing web pages can be a real challenge. Ryze pages are quite simple compared to other web sites, but still the variables occur from platform to platform and browser to browser. I think that can be very helpful information that we can share in these critiques. Sometimes one minor tweaking or piece of information can help to make a page more readable.
Make it a Sharing Day!
Jeanie Marshall, Personal Development Coach
Marshall House http://www.mhmail.com
Writing by and for Coaches http://www.WritingByCoaches.com
Private Reply to Jeanie Marshall | | Jul 27, 2007 4:14 pm | | re: Cant wait to put the spot light on someone else :) /Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Scott Allen | | I like the changes that have evolved to the photo section - I think it's pretty solid now.
Constructive critiques:
1. The "Haves" is practically the first thing people read about you, and it's in RED. Make the most of it. Right now you're using it to tell one particular feature of your business. I would use it to tell more about YOU. Haves: "Passion and enthusiasm for meeting and connecting people and encouraging others to do the same." Something like that.
2. The text area is a mess. Considering the two different font faces, the bold text, the underlines (that aren't hyperlinks), the underlines that are, the red italics, etc., I counted EIGHT different typeface combinations there. AND... they're all jumbled together. That's simply too many, plus the underlines that aren't hyperlinks are confusing. Break it up and organize it. Section headers would help. Also, generally, stuff reads better in shorter lines -- you might consider making a 2-column table down there.
3. I wouldn't use the shorthand with a legend at the bottom -- just say the words. You don't want to use jargon when you talk to newbies, even if you explain the jargon.
Scott Allen
NEW! Revenue River - Multiple streams of internet income . . . without the hype
Private Reply to Scott Allen | | Aug 01, 2007 6:45 pm | | re: re: added bling bling weekly site recom/Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Tina Brooks | | One just has to look at your page, Paul, and they know that I am late to the party!
Wow! What a testament! THAT is a Ryze page!
I guess I get to critique what you've already done... :)
The 25% off coupon next to your photo in the photo montage... For equilibrium's sake, I'd move your photo over to the left margin and increase the font of that coupon! What a nice offer. Also make that bottom margin level so that the left graphics end the same place as the right side graphics... As if it were one montage, not two stuck together... make sense, if not, I'll try and redescribe what I mean.
The tables below, with the about me and the welcome... should be aligned to the left in the same vertical plane as the graphics.
I didn't look hard at the text for grammar or typos, but if you haven't already do so... One jumped out at me in the first paragraph on the right hand table where there is no space between Paul and Steven.
Great page!
T
Private Reply to Tina Brooks | | Aug 02, 2007 4:07 am | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # | 
Gery DiMarco | | Better late than never? Sorry I didn't get this in as planned, Paul, but it is here as promised.
The photo montage styled ad with the personal frame to the left is great. I'm a symetrical kind of person so the two bordered columns aligned right underneath it threw me but then they would not look better centered so I think you did OK there. I do think it narrows your page too much for all the info you have in them, though.
I like the personal information side and especially like the networking tips side. The only things that distracted me were the uneven content length and the use of two different types and font sizes side by side. Paul, had you tried doing your section titles in a second color? I wonder how that might look. Another thought that occurred to me (putting aside my preferance of symmetry) would be to have one column width larger than the other.
Another thing I like is the way you engage the reader conversationally with questions. It projects the feel of your interest in the reader more so than to sell your product or services. It is a good relationshipping step consistant with your networking theme. Overall, I find it welcoming. I look forward to seeing what you do with your business website as well.
Gery DiMarco
What's the best business direction for you?
http://www.gotherightdirection.com/580935
Private Reply to Gery DiMarco | | Oct 02, 2007 7:16 pm | | re: Inside of bus shots coming very very soon/Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Gery DiMarco | | Paul, maybe you need to just make a new collage...
"The Many Faces of Paul and Sara"
Carry On!
Gery DiMarco
http://www.CashInOnCRAVE.com
Private Reply to Gery DiMarco | | Apr 11, 2008 4:28 am | | re: Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Bea Kunz | | Hi Paul, Scott, Walter, and all you other awesome networkers.
Honestly Paul, you amaze me, I can hardly keep up with you. Actually I don't. But I have been busy and networking has paid off in many profitable ways for me this year.
Aside from the fabulous friendships.
I'm still learning (I hope) and I'm daily intrigued with all the many options I come across.
Happy Spring!
Bea Kunz
EatWell-BeWell~
http://www.sagehillfarmsandvintagestore.com
http://beasbeatitudes.blogspot.com
http://kunzdurham.blogspot.com
Private Reply to Bea Kunz | | Oct 07, 2008 6:58 pm | | re: It's also my birthday Oct 28th/October featured profile/Profile critique #20 - Paul Steven | # |
Heidi Caswell | | Paul,
I like the new images on your page. Outrageous October is a month to celebrate. (Stealing Bea's words)
Heidi
Private Reply to Heidi Caswell | | |
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