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Apr 13, 2004 1:06 pm Ken: Sue - Relevance Helps Keep Things Upbeat
Sue

No worries. Sometimes we say things as we think them :) I've done that myself. S'why it's good to ask questions to gain clarity. :)

Here is some food for thought. What if people weren't so afraid of others as they are of being rejected, hurt or in the worst case scenario ... not loved? What if .. in the simplest of terms, they just wanted to be liked? People generally don't like confrontation because they were never taught how to communicate in a way that makes everyone feel safe to express themselves. This I find to be true. Now here is the interesting part. The individual who is hurt or bothered by someone in a conversation does have a responsibility to address this in order to come to a mutual understanding. This is not to say that both people will be "right" however what I am saying is that at least they will "understand" one another. Which is always a good thing. As I've mentioned in my other post, if we want different results, we must do different things to address things "as they come up". We all tell ourselves stories about situations we see or hear, without getting more clarification. If one were to think about it, we really have no basis on our thoughts of a particular situation until we gain clarity on the entire situation. And I mean from start to finish. This can be done. It just takes practice.

As for ones personal relationships? Unless having a specific conversation :) I dare not tread hear either. :) I will say that every human being on the face of this earth has preferences. Things that they would like or not like. If an individual is aware of who they are, there is more of a likelihood that they will have a healthy meaningfull relationship. I think some people perceive to have a preference means that they are picky or unable to be satisfied. On the contrary I think it helps a relationship to know what will be acceptable, and what will not. This goes off into many different area's as well. And specific situations require specific responses and different views. So I will stop here. :)

So here is a question for you. How can you, modify your relationships with people, in order to communicate cleanly in order to change how others relate to you? In other words, how can you communicate differently, in order to be understood?

I saw the post you wrote with regard to MLM's. It sounds like you are quite frustrated with the thought that people don't realise what a good thing they can be. If this is true, how can you remove some of the frustration when you are talking to people about it? It may come through. Another perspective would be, if a person is not interested, in time there will be more who are not. Some people are uncomfortable saying No. They feel funny or bad... which happens from time to time. So you may tend to end up with long explanations as to why someone may not be interested. What is key for me here, is that if you are passionate about what you do, and perhaps try to let go of some of your frustration ... others may absorb your passion. With 3 billion people in the world ... I'm sure there are many who would be interested. Just keep trying.

> Rebecca & Ken Aspinwall wrote: > Sue, >

>I'm sorry about not being clear. The car was a mere illustration of something irrelevant. >

>Relevance is why I try to keep a short list of what I require of my associates. There's a whole lot of room in life to celebrate our differences. Unfortunately, way too many people were raised with the idea that somebody has to win and somebody has to lose. >

>I serve the God of all good things. I have a strong feeling that there is enough pie for everybody. So, I could never understand things like greed, scarcity and the refusal to see and embrace abundance. >

>Your ideas about being a safe person to be around are good. That's another thing hard for me to understand -- the people who seem to fear other people. >

>My first marriage ended in divorce and it took me years to get my head on straight again. Although I stayed a bit aloof from women, I don't ever remember lumping them all in one category. What I did do was to raise the bar on the kind of woman I wanted to attract and it worked out well in the long run. I attracted an outstanding woman and she is my life partner. >

>Talk about a short list. While I raised the bar in one respect, I still kept my list short. I still got a brunette and she has pretty brown eyes. Her talents are very wonderful and varied. lol >

>Ken >

> > I'm not sure what kind of car an individual drives has to do with this. No matter where in life a person is, everyone can benefit from coaching in so many ways. Thanks for your thoughts.

Private Reply to Sue (new win)





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