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| | The Un-Marketing Network is not currently active and cannot accept new posts | | does this press release work? | Views: 2017 | | Sep 02, 2005 11:46 am | | does this press release work? | # | 
jeff fioravanti | | Good Day All,
I've received some good sound advice to my previous post, and thank one and all for your time and imparting your wisdom. I have follow-up and was wondering if folks might be so kind. I have the following press release and was wondering, does this work? If so, why? if not, why? Your input and thoughts again are greatly appreciated. (not all of the formatting transferred, but the context is in tact)
Respectfully,
Jeff Fioravanti, CPS, PPSCC, PSA
Painting the Soul of America
http://www.fioravanti-fineart.com
For Immediate Release
SRHPF Symposium “The Civil War in Song and Story” to include paintings of acclaimed artist Jeff Fioravanti
Lynn, MA (August 31, 2005) – historic landscape and preservation artist Jeff Fioravanti is pleased to announce that a collection of his work will be on display October 3, 2005 – November 5, 2005, as part of the 5th annual Seminary Ridge Historic Preservation Foundation (SRHPF) Symposium, entitled “The Civil War in Song and Story.” The paintings, will be on exhibit on the second floor of Valentine Hall of the Lutheran Theological Seminary, located on Seminary Ridge, in Gettysburg, and can be viewed during normal seminary hours, and throughout the symposium, which is scheduled for October 7th and 8th. There will be an artist reception on Friday evening, October 7, 2005, from 5:30 – 7:00 PM. A portion of all sales from this exhibit will benefit the Foundation.
Established in April of 1999, the SRHPF has diligently worked toward its mission, to restore, preserve, and maintain the National Historic Civil War properties, architecture, and other legacies associated with Seminary Ridge at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and to provide related education and communication of the legacies for the benefit of the public.
Jeff Fioravanti, a native of Massachusetts, has quickly established himself as a true and dear friend of preservation. An accomplished artist who has won multiple awards on the local and national level, he belongs to several highly respected art associations throughout the United States, holding the added distinction of “signature member” in the Connecticut Pastel Society, Pastel Painters Society of Cape Cod, and the Pastel Society of America.
In two plus years, the artist’s efforts have offered a unique insight and appreciation for our country’s hallowed ground. Mirroring his motto “Painting the Soul of America” and his mission, “Painting today, to preserve the past, for tomorrow” he has parlayed his talents and passion for capturing the pristine lands and links to our legacy in a manner that has attracted much interest and many accolades from throughout the civil war and fine art communities, while helping to raise nearly $20,000 for various preservation groups and museums.
“These lands are not just blood stained fields, but living classrooms,” stated the artist. “They house not just footsteps of history, but they are home to multiple species of plants and animals as well.”
“Each day they touch our lives, the sacrifices laid upon these lands are reflected in all that we know today,” said Mr. Fioravanti. “As Americans, we owe it to ourselves to do all that is possible to protect and preserve these treasures for today and tomorrow,” continued the artist. “I’m just trying to do my part.”
To learn more about “The Civil War in Song and Story” Symposium, or the Seminary Ridge Historic Preservation Foundation, please visit their web site at http://www.seminaryridge.org, contact them via email at director@seminaryridge.org, or phone Linda Hess, project coordinator at 717-338-3030.
To learn more about artist Jeff Fioravanti, his artwork and efforts with historic preservation, please visit his web site at http://www.fioravanti-fineart.com, or contact the artist directly at 781-595-5961, or via email at jfiorava@concentric.net.Private Reply to jeff fioravanti | | Sep 06, 2005 6:32 pm | | re: does this press release work? | # | 
Jill Hurst-Wahl | | Jeff,
More the quotes up into the "new" second paragraph. Put the info about you in an "about" at the end as well as the info about the organization in a separate "about" at the end.
At some point answer "why" people should see the exhibit.
Jill
JillPrivate Reply to Jill Hurst-Wahl | | Sep 07, 2005 12:09 pm | | re: re: does this press release work? | # |
jeff fioravanti | | Hi Jill,
Thank you for your suggestions and input, it is greatly appreciated. I will print out the existing release, and incorporate your thoughts.
One quick question, would not the line about a portion of all sales from this exhibit will benefit the foundation, satisfy the "why"? Or, does it need to be expanded?
Thanks again. Have a great day.
Respectfully,
Jeff Fioravanti, CPS, PPSCC, PSA
Painting the Soul of America
http://www.fioravanti-fineart.comPrivate Reply to jeff fioravanti | | Sep 08, 2005 2:36 am | | re: re: re: does this press release work? | # | 
Karri Flatla | | Hi Jeff,
I think the content is great but it needs to be rearranged to put the focus on one of the following:
-> How your art is raising money to facilitate the preservation of history.
-> How your art is bringing to life the sacrifices, heartache, and incredible battles fought by these soldiers.
By opening up with a paragraph about you and your art exhibit, this comes across more as an advertisement, and the community, philanthropist flavor is drowned out.
Also, I am Canadian so I didn't know what the acronym in your release title meant. I would spell this out and perhaps shorten the overall title. You want to grab people by the heart strings with this one. Pull at their sense of patriotism and identity. Show them how your art is preserving their heritage.
Hope this helps Jeff.
Karri Flatla, B.Mgt.
snap! virtual assistance inc.
Don't just outsource. Outsmart.
Subscribe to Outsmart,
the newsletter for small business with big purpose. Private Reply to Karri Flatla | | Sep 12, 2005 12:12 am | | re: re: re: re: does this press release work? | # | 
Lamar Morgan 954-603-7901 | | Jeff,
Keep in mind that most people do not read entire articles. They simply skim the headlines. It is when the headline is powerful that the remainder of the article is most often read. See if you can make your headline a little more powerful. Sometimes it helps to follow what I call the "SVOTDP rule" - Subject-Verb-Object-Time-Date-Place. There is help online to assist you in doing that. It is called a "headline analyzer." You can use it free simply by downloading and installing the Free Traffic Toolbar.
Also, what service are you using to get your press release out to the public? Are you using PRWeb, GetLocalNews.com or some other service? You do have a lot of online options in that regard. How are you proceeding to give your message widespread exposure?
Lamar Morgan
CDMM
Creating a buzz for business
Private Reply to Lamar Morgan 954-603-7901 | | Sep 12, 2005 4:17 am | | re: re: re: re: does this press release work? | # |
jeff fioravanti | | Good Day Karri,
Thank you for taking the time to impart your thoughts and wisdom on this issue. It is greatly appreciated. I shall print out the release and see what I can do to incorporate your suggestions into a reworking of the release. Thank you.
Respectfully,
Jeff Fioravanti, CPS, PPSCC, PSA
Painting the Soul of America
http://www.fioravanti-fineart.com
P.S. Thank you also for your kind words regarding my philanthropic efforts.Private Reply to jeff fioravanti | | Sep 12, 2005 4:17 am | | re: does this press release work? | # |
jeff fioravanti | | Hi Lamar,
Thanks much for your input. It is deeply appreciated. I will most certainly look into that headline tool. As to your other query, in the past I have used PRWeb and as we discussed previously, I am looking into the other (gotlocalenews) site. I Thank you again for your time and for your thoughtful suggestions.
Respectfully,
Jeff Fioravanti, CPS, PPSCC, PSA
Painting the Soul of America
http://www.fioravanti-fineart.comPrivate Reply to jeff fioravanti | | Sep 14, 2005 1:51 pm | | re: re: re: does this press release work? | # |
Jill Hurst-Wahl | | Jeff,
If a portion of the sales go the the organization, that's fine. But WHY should people come and SEE your work? You need to get them in the door first.
Perhaps the answer is in why your work is special?
Lamar makes a good point. The headline and lead (first) paragraph are the most important. Technically, everything after that is fluff. So have a strong title and a very good opening paragraph with the major details.
JillPrivate Reply to Jill Hurst-Wahl | | |
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